Are you a chemical engineer?

You might be a chemical engineer if:

• You have a favourite pump manufacturer
• You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
• You can size distillation columns in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $45 restaurant bill...
• ...and think that spending $45 for dinner is exorbitant
• You see a good design and still have to change it
• You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
• You know who invented Jell-O
• The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
• You've modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
• You think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange
• You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator
• You've ever described your spouse in terms of MTBF
• You stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
• You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
• You've ever considered installing a scrubber on your chimney
• The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
• Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
• You automatically associate the words "sexy," "beautiful" and "new butterfly valve"
• You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
• You've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
• Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
• You have any of the following personalised items:
  • Hard hat
  • Safety goggles
  • Calculator case
  • Slide rule
• You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
• You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
• You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
• You've ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
• A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
• You thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
• You cannot write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
• You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains
• You once burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
• You think you look rather snappy in a tie and short-sleeve shirt
• You'd really like to have a T-shirt that says "Chemical Engineers Do It In Fluidised   Beds"
• You've ever introduced your kids by the wrong name
• You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
• People hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time
• You think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
• Your spouse hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
• Your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
• You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically
• You've explained your position in the company to a junior engineer as "I am a vast oasis of knowledge in a desert of ignorance".
• You lost your wedding ring for six months and found it in a box of brass tubing fittings in your desk
• You and a buddy spend two work days customizing each engineer's phone ring so that you can tell them apart from anywhere-using cut-up lids from snuff cans and scotch tape.
• You refer to your children as your "pilot units".
• Your work clothes are almost as old as you are....
• ... and so is your car.
• You think of the Carnot cycle everytime you turn on your AC unit.
• When you look at objects in the distance and think of mean free path.
• You explain surface tension to your 10 year old when they ask why you are adding oil to boiling spaghetti.
• You have a clock with inverted numbers that runs counter-clockwise in your office and you prefer it that way.
• You make your own shampoo!
• You pick your girlfriends by their gpa.
• You refer to your wife as my.spouse@home.com
• You have ever thought about how coffee changes colour in the body.
• You read this page for the first time on a Saturday night.
• You try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.

You KNOW you are a chemical engineer if you've actually read this whole damn message beginning to end!!!!